I had issues with the guy I ended up marrying (that was a serious mistake) because he never changed but got worse & I knew before I got married that I had issues with his attitude & personality....(but stupidly listened to my mom that he would "grow up" & change). The thing is that I stayed in a miserable marriage for 33 years because I wasn't wise enough to put a stop to it before the wedding. He was a nice guy but the same things I finally left because of were the things that started off being serious issues.......but when I left.....I told him that I would KNOW if he ever changed because it would be obvious.

My point here is that your BF has changed & you can see the difference in a continual way (from what you have said here).......I would have willingly put the past in the past if I had seen any change.....but I have to admit, it would have been more difficult because 33 years of what he was my ANGER had grown so intense over all those years.

The only one thing that he did change was his initial sarcasm that I had started throwing back at him but hated how I felt doing it so I put my food down & said.....change or GET OUT!!!!.....it took him over a year of my constant reminders almost every time he opened his mouth....but he finally did change mostly on that one issue. The other issues still existed...but I was able to finally put that issue aside as his behavior change of not using sarcasm was obvious.

I seriously understand how that anger can get held onto especially if there are remaining signs of the old behavior.....but if he has changed & the longer the time that you see this change is permanent.....I think that for me, as time passes I have more confidence that the past is really in the past & it's easier to accept that is where it is at this point & then the anger can be let go of without fear that it will crop back up & bring your anger back to it's original level.

For me, if I had seen a change in my H (he said it but his actions didn't reflect his words).....I would have tried hard even after 33 years of anger toward him....to put the anger aside & continue on with the marriage.....but I understand how the anger is.....& in my situation, he just kept making the anger greater even AFTER I left....he kept doing things that just reinforced why I left in the first place even from 2100 miles away.

I think it's wonderful that your BF really did change.....that says a lot for him & it also says that what you saw during that time wasn't who he really was & this is.

For me I had become a horribly angry person the last years of living with the H.....I honestly was afraid that was WHO I had become......what I found was awesome however.....the longer I was away from him, the more mellow I really became....I learned that who I was when I was with him was NOT the me who I really was because that person in me never does show up unless I have to deal with issues that have anything to do with him in getting the divorce finalized......so I"m thinking that your BF was going through something that was causing him to be the way he was & now that it was resolved.....you are getting now who he really is......& once you are able to accept that in your own mind, it's a lot easier to let go of the past IMO.....or at least rationalize the reasoning for why & the why no longer exists so neither does that personality.

Hope some of this makes sense......

Also, what Factory Poet said about the mindfulness practice of RAIN is a wonderful practice to help also