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Old Nov 12, 2014, 05:05 PM
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mimsies mimsies is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2014
Location: No Where
Posts: 299
Quote:
Originally Posted by nynaeve.almeara View Post
I want to thank each and every one of you for responding to my thread. I know it's late but I did not have the courage to check your replies, fearing what the answers would be... I don't want to attract men who do this; I haven't known him for that long. i
I moved to another country just 2 years ago and he was one of the first people I met. I now changed cities because I'm starting a job and the past months since I posted that have been a nightmare. In reply to what my therapist used to say, she never told me what I should do and she agreed that his controlling behavior wasn't right. But I never told her about the shoving and pushing... That is my fault for being to afraid to be told by people that things are not working out...

Unfortunately, it didn't get worse from that one incident but it happened repititively, a shove, a push, some shouting. And the thing is, he never thought he was doing something wrong. He thought he is perfectly entitled because I was the one not listening and he had to make me listen. I am not a naggy person, I know this. I accept my faults, but I don't nag and I try to listen but when the things he would say to me would be so unfair; why am I meeting some friend, why am I coming home so late, why did I not message... I have just felt the need to defend myself by stressing that it's not fair and he is not my father. That is when the pushing and shoving begins, sometimes tossing me on the sofa or the bed, whichever is closer. That scared me all the time. We now have different jobs in different cities and I am exceedingly depressed.

I am sorry for being someone who is so afraid, that she can't face reality.
I am glad you came back to update people. I am glad you are away from him.

You don't have to be sorry for who you are. You are/were in a scary situation, and it is hard to talk about. It is easy to be understanding of other people when they are in a bad situation, but we so often seem to be SO much harder on ourselves.

Please, please do not go back to him. Ending a relationship is difficult and painful. But you don't deserve the way he treated you. You don't deserve to be blamed for his actions.

Keep working with your therapist, or find a new one if you feel like you need to. Keep coming here, because we are all here to support you.