Thank you for all of the replies! WOW! I love this forum already

My fiancé (so new I still refer to him as boyfriend) has struggled with his mom for years. He actually ran away to live with his father at 16 because she was very controlling and unrealistic in her expectations for how he should live. He knows that this is not normal, but rather than always having conflict and drama he tries to appease (enable) her so that she is happy. To me, it is clear she is not happy, regardless.

She has apparently struggled with getting rid of things since he can remember, but after he left at 16 and then left again for college, things got worse. It's clear she has substituted THINGS for fulfilling relationships and activities.

I have definitely worried about her future as far as aging goes. She doesn't like doctors and often times lets her health issues get out of control before seeking health. Having seen my parents help my grandparents during my grandfather's battle with cancer, I know how financially cumbersome an health problem can be on a family...yes, it DOES worry me.

She definitely would not allow us to seek help through a television show, although my fiancé has threatened it in the past. He is up and coming in his career and doesn't have the time to worry about her from afar: we live across the country and can only visit every so often. During those visits it can get so uncomfortable that we often "drop it" just to insure the rest of our stay is pleasant and happy.

The personal organizer idea is brilliant! I am definitely going to take this approach the next time this comes up because I understand that not everyone is willing to seek help from a therapist. That would be like ADMITTING you had a problem, and I'm unsure she would be able to do that at this point. I am definitely worried what having children may do, but I am not worried that she would be the meddling type. My fiancé is very aware of her inconsistent and often selfish parenting style, and his resentment from his childhood will likely prevent him from letting her be too involved in how we raise our kids. I can definitely see her being jealous or feeling replaced as a result of us growing a family, however, and I don't want to be associated with THAT feeling.

I already feel as if I have too much of an opinion and have to step back at times to let their situation play out.