had a big family argument tonight over something stupid, daughter stormed out, b/f chased her. atmosphere awful. feel guilty for being this way and having no energy, meds giving me migraines and weepy bouts.
mum called in the middle of it all and i let rip about everything, abuse, why i was depressed, why she made me feel unloved why did she leave me with him when she knew he was a cdhild molester, why she kept in touch when i would have killed anywone who touched my kids etc etc. she was sobbing and saying sorry, i was sobbing, she i calling abusers friend to try to find out where he is. dont know if this is good idea but i think she wants to get him caught and banged up. i'm so confused again, cant think straight, daughter just came in and went straight upstairs without speaking.i really want to get in that car and drive away right now. mum just called back and abusers wife died last year and 'he' wasn't at funeral cos police would have got him. no one knows where he is, i am so pissed off. i just wish i could get into hospital i feel at breaking point at the moment. these tablets make me hungry and i dont want to put al the weight on i lost. i know that's the least of my problems.

wtf i went back to square one.

i hate life

jin