Not sure that my "quick reply" was accepted...I apologize if two very redundant posts appear here at some point.

Thanks for all of the replies! Very refreshing and reassuring.

My fiancé definitely recognizes that this is a problem, but rather than constantly cause conflict and drama, he appeases (enables) her. They had a tumultuous relationship when he was a teen--he grew very resentful of her controlling nature and inconsistent behavior. He basically ran away at 16 to go live with his father, and apparently she has never been the same. I don't worry that she will be able to "meddle" in raising our children because he still harbors resentment for mistakes she made in his childhood. She was a great mother for the most part, but has had these dependence issues since he's been little.

She's also had a problem keeping things since he can remember. It has progressively gotten worse over time. She went from filling the garage to filling up a storage unit...then 2 units...then more units. He's tried several times to express his concerns, and even cut her off from having a relationship for a while when he was in law school, resentful of the responsibility he'd be assuming after he graduated. His father currently still supports her, even though she works, and now that he is preparing for retirement himself, he has hinted several times that he will not be able to continue the monthly support he's given all these years. He's been very generous, as they were never married. He always has lent his financial support to his son, and now that my fiancé is working and on his own, he's ready to pass the torch.

My fiancé does not understand entirely why I worry about his mother. I have seen the burden and impact a sick, aging parent can have on a family, and I am very worried about what is to come down the line. She hates seeing doctors and sometimes lets simple health issues spiral until they are out of control. Last year, for example, she passed out at work due to pneumonia--she had been sick for several weeks, self-treating with natural remedies at home. She also let her sciatic pain get so terrible that she could barely walk last year, and did not seek help until we came to town and inquired what was going on. Although she has insurance, she never uses it, and I know it will become an issue at some point.

I am going to try the personal organizer approach the next time this comes up. I understand some people are leery of seeking professional help for their problems--that would be like ADMITTING you have a problem to begin with, and I still have yet to hear her refer to this as something that is not normal and beyond her control.

I try to stay out of their relationship as much as possible because I don't want to be associated with "taking" him away from her or influencing him to think certain ways. If it were up to her, she'd probably move in with us and live with her son, happy as a clam...but I will dedicate my resources and do whatever I can to prevent that from happening before its time. I feel myself getting resentful of her situation sometimes. She's had a wonderful life--traveled all over the world, had her own business, raised a son that is becoming successful...she's definitely had more than a lot of people I've known, including myself, and it is hard to sit back watching her continue to expect support and come off as entitled to it.

Her neediness is unwarranted to me, but I know it stems from some issue she probably needs therapy to resolve. She is very capable of doing things on her own, but seems to rely on my fiancé for interaction. Asking what she should do keeps him on the phone for 5-10 more minutes...and like I mentioned, she seeks attention.