Thank you Leto. Good point. My H and I have sex once every two weeks now. I know that is not optimal in his eyes, but that is to much to soon for me. This original post is a year and a half old or so. Things have not really improved very much. As this year has progressed and looking back at this, I think I still see my H as perpetrator. He is still the offender and I still have a hard time getting past that.

Between the past abuse from long ago, past abuse from my husband, and current efforts but short coming we have now keep me from wanting sex. He still makes me feel like a kid not his wife. He still makes me fearful at times. He is hardly my husband he is more like my daddy, my enemy, my ..... what ever is opposite of lover. Yet we are married and I try to meet his needs even if it is on a small scale.