Hi. After months of wavering, I finally decided to try an EMDR/brain spotting session. It was a week ago. I can't remember most of what happened, but I know I was very, very upset and crying and scared. Sort of like a flash back. I was more upset than when the trauma actually happened.

And a weird thing happened. At one point I felt like I was breathing funny, maybe hyperventilating, and suddenly I felt 2 contradictory things. 1. That my hands had disappeared. 2. Prickling and tingling all over my hands. I looked at my hands to see if they were there, and saw they were there, but it felt like they had no weight at all. I was scared.

I also remember saying something to my therapist about the monster. Of being so scared to be alone that I even tried to talk to the monster. I remember thinking what an odd thing I was saying.

It's not that I don't remember my trauma. I do. But it is very hard for me to look at it closely. I always look at it in a detached way. Except during this session, I was right there again but this time actually feeling the full intensity of the horror. Something I did not do when it was happening. Frankly, it was awful.

At my therapy on Tuesday, I successfully dodged EMDR for the whole hour, but in the end, the therapist said we needed to get back to it again soon. I really don't want to go back.

Has anyone had a similar or different experience with EMDR? Can anyone tell me what happened to me? I especially wonder about the hands thing, but also about the way it went and then my not being able to remember most of it. I'm just trying to make sense of this and work up the nerve to do it again.

Thanks.