I've struggled with Bipolar type II for most of my life (even if I wasn't diagnosed until recently). My biggest fear was always losing control. When my depression was bad, I would burn myself and get a moment of clarity where once again I felt that my mind was mine again.

This is how I explain it to others.

Pain is our most primal of experiences...our self-preservation kicks in as a reflex. We can touch something hot, and pull away before we are even aware of it. It is natural to avoid pain. So when we harm ourselves, we are enforcing a conscious control over our subconscious. We are denying our preservation reflexes for a sense of stability.

It doesn't excuse it- but it certainly puts things into perspective for those who have never harmed.

~Anna