What constitutes rape gets debated in society a great deal. I'm pretty sure OP is not looking for statutes or regulations.

Rape is sexual activity that occurs without consent or in direct opposition to a person's wishes, by my personal definition. There does come an issue, that I think is hard to discern. If a person was unwilling did the other person know the other party was unwilling? If they didn't know, is it the case that they ought to have known?

I have had sort of an invitation to sexual intimacy which I regarded as void when I realized the potential partner was intoxicated. Had i been way more intoxicated myself I'm not sure I'd have read my proposed partners state as well or had adequate judgement about the situation I was in.

I've avoided talking specifically about the OP's situation and talked about my own situations. Part of the reason is I can not give you an overlay to place on your situation based on my experiences.

Feeling violated does not mean rape occurred. Not feeling violated does not mean rape didn't occur. If someone was able to discern that consent was absent or situationally weak and they proceeded, imo that's rape.

I'm sure many people will find fault with my assessment.

Your feeling traumatized and victimized-that's a legitimate matter for support regardless of my opinion about your question. You deserve support and to feel people's positive regard for you well beyond the incident.

Best wishes, thanks for letting me give my opinion in your thread,
SD