Paula,

I'm sorry that you had to go through that with your T. I know what you mean about your hesitance to go to a termination session that you didn't want in the first place. It could've helped you to get some closure, but sounds like you didn't trust that your T would be honest with you about it all. So it would've been more going through the motions for her to say she offered.

I have been terminated out of the blue and it was a very shocking and painful experience for me. I spent years carrying it around without realizing it until I was able to process it with my current T, almost 10 years later. Please don't wait that long to find someone else.

And for whether or not you have "borderline traits" or blah blah blah that impacted your Ts decision is moot. The T is the professional and we go to them for help with our problems, whatever they may be. I would find a comment like that about me and my situation with my ex-T incredibly hurtful and victim-blaming. So please know that it really is the Ts responsibility to try to work things out with a client and if they feel their services are harmful, to terminate in a caring manner with referrals in hand. Anything else is wrong, IMO.

I'm sure a lot of this stuff was the Ts own crap. It happens very often. But I know that doesn't make it much less painful. I'm glad you reached out here because going through it alone is so much worse