I have a girlfriend who I care deeply about her feelings and her as a person. We have dated for about 6 years. In the last 3 years or so my depression and anxiety has gotten worse. I have bipolar schizoaffective. So my initial thoughts were that because of my clinical state, I was sliding on that.

But as we probe deeper, I started thinking it was something in my life, some things or relationship that wasn't good for me.

My girlfriend and I have had a sexual relationship for most of this time. We won't get married because I will lose my benefits. I initiated the sexual relationship, but now I have had a change of heart since I was sexually taken advantage of at a younger age, I want to stop having sex with my girlfriend indefinitely. It will help me heal. But she doesn't know how to think about that, she feels like I don't think she is good enough for me or something.

In a nutshell, I'm wondering if she is a major part of my nervousness and anxiety. I have a spiritual conviction now that I didn't hold as close to me when I initiated the sex, that I want to be celibate now too.

I'm afraid of losing her. And any mention of this to her would break things up because she would feel rejected by me. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but my peace is riding on this I think. I can't imagine my life without her, and she probably feels the same. I feel stranded and stuck, locked in neutral.

Should I break up with her? If so, how?