Thank you for all of the messages of support and advice

Saw my cpn today and had a candid chat about things.... now the following is my fault, I am analytical, I know a fair bit about psychology (grad level, specializing in the critical analysis) so bringing up my concerns and having a deep conversation about it was as like to shoot myself in the foot as much as reassure me since 'ignorance being bliss' can in fact be 'bliss'

Anyway, he confirmed much of what I had previously thought and it's heightened my confusion that little bit more + piled on more distrust of the system:

Told him about the medication issue and he advised that meds are often prescribed on personal preference by p-docs due to their own experience... and much like diagnosis, can differ from p-doc to p-doc (I knew this already but I'd hoped there had been some standardisation since the time I studied it nigh on 20 years back).

As for personality disorder he said (and followed it up with 'the department that assesses would probably stretch me over hot coal for doing so') that in his opinion 'personality disorders' are given to people by health professionals due to being difficult... and is a form of discrimination and pigeon holing patients into comfortable criteria that should they argue against it can be countered with 'well of course you'd say that, it's part of your disorder'. This is why many mental health professionals do not like to put labels on others since it dehumanises them.... you are no longer dealing with them as a person but as a category.

Again, I knew this though had blocked it out as best I could since I just want to start moving forward... but it does go to show the little battles that occur within the system itself

Decided to post here since I could hardly speak to anyone else irl about it and I could feel the pressure pot starting to push up the steam... exception would be my wife but she is very stressed at the moment and coming down with some bug (had an ofsted inspection at her school which she did well in and a few other high pressure situations to deal with and it's caught up with her).