Quote:
Originally Posted by geis
The thing is, she hasn't done anything that's actually illegal or violent, so the police wouldn't be able to do anything. It's all passive-aggressive stuff that doesn't qualify as domestic violence, but it's definitely creating a hostile environment. It's so bad that I'm afraid to come out of my room to eat or use the bathroom when she's at home because she'll be cruel to me.
But she hasn't done anything violent or violated the lease in any way, so I don't have any legal grounds to kick her out. Basically, unless she chooses to move out on her own, I have to live with her. And she's got the good end of the deal--since she's the one being the [passive-]aggressor, she can stomp around and slam doors and yell while I'm cowering in my room having flashbacks. There's no incentive for her to change her behavior.
So if we don't have a meeting, this situation continues unabated, and I'll just live in a perpetual triggered, dissociated state as my ability to function deteriorates. But if we have the meeting and I can't stay in control, then things could get even worse than they are now. I feel like I'm trapped in a no-win scenario, but there has to be some answer, some way out. I just can't figure out what it is.
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well you still have choices...
you can continue to let this bother you or you can find ways that will make the situation livable until ....you...can find other housing options for you since you say there is nothing you can do to get her removed from the household...
one time when I was in a living situation that was hard for me and the room mate wasnt violating any laws or the lease I bought myself a pair of headphones at the dollar store (america has a fantastic chain of stores called the dollar store where every product in the store only cost one dollar and most if not all the products are actually very good) when I was home the headphones and music/tv/radio/ what ever made noise was playing. this way I could enjoy myself, get my homework /housework what ever I needed to do done in peace. it got quite comical because my room mate was not aware that I was wearing headphones and one day after she had been being her annoying self she asked me doesnt that bother you? I looked up at her, plucked the headphones out and said sorry did you say something, Im listening to the most fabulous music right now, headphones the greatest invention there is, I can get things done without bothering other people with my shows and music. She realized she couldnt get a rise out of me anymore with her storming around, yelling and partying. she realized that we may live together but I have my own thing and she has her own things. she decided she in her words "could not live with an anti social person who treated her like she was invisable/wasnt even there and moved out.
in another situation similar to this it was me that moved out. I spent alot of time at other friends places, the malls, college , work and when I was home I turned the negative into a positive by remembering there is nothing I can do about controlling other people and what they do, all I control is me, what I do, how I live, and I can choose to be miserable or I can find ways that I can be happy while saving for a new place, then move out myself. I found ways to do things that I needed to get done at home (like wearing headphones and ear plugs when needed...) and when the lease was up (leases for apartments have to be signed yearly or monthly) I didnt sign up for another leasing period. I used my savings and moved out.
if like you say she isnt committing any crimes or doing anything that will go against the lease having a meeting with the landlady isnt really going to do anything because the landlady cant tell their tenents how to live their life. they can only enforce the rules of the contracted lease. if the lease doesnt say someone cant yell and bag things then your roommate is ok to do that kind of stuff on a legal stand point. (unless your town has a disturbing the peace law, in which case you can call the cops for her disturbing the peace which is making so much noise that it can be heard by the neighbors.)
the line in the sand is that you cant control her and whether she gets noisey or moves out or not so its now time to think about how you can make it so that when she is doing her stuff you can either go somewhere else or make it so that you are no longer bothered by her ranting and stuff.