As far as powerlessness, this is also a question for me. What does it mean? And how is it different from helplessness? I'll share how I understand it.

The way I see it, when you accept your powerlessness, you are not longer helpless. Helplessness is apparently more of a choice and what we have learned. Powerlessness is reality of life as human beings, in that in many situations we don't have the kind of power we want or need. I think helplessness is suffering, powerlessness is not.

For instance, my parents have a messed up relationship and don't have no meaningful social interactions outside the house and it's a life full of shame, secrets, hostility, manipulation, etc. I used to live with my parents and I was raised in this environment and it damaged me pretty good and I suffered tremendously (emotional abuse, etc).

When I left, I was still completely preoccupied with their relationship. It's just that I want people happy, want us to be like a real loving family. This led me to intrude into their life, to try to get them to change, to do lots of things...and nothing worked and they got mad at me even and I was devastated. I felt helpless!

The one day my T said something about this and suddenly I wondered that though I may be powerless to make any changes, to create that kind of family that I want, happy meaningful relationships, etc, I'm not helpless! I can choose to accept this state of affairs, I can focus on myself, I can make relationships outside the home, etc. These are all choices I have.

Sure, it really really really sucks that I was raised there and also my parents, people closest to me in my life are like that. And God knows I tried ever trick in the book to make things be different. I really meant well, but I have to accept my powerlessness to change them. They have to want to change and also it has to be the right circumstances. And people who have lived so many years in a certain way are not likely to suddenly wake up and change. They may never change. Heck, I've been in therapy for so many years and though I've changed, it has been far from what I wanted or perhaps what others had wanted to see in me.

Also it's not really my place to try to force or encourage them to change anyways. I'm their son not their parents or priest or therapist or whatever. Even they can't necessarily change them. I think a lot of it comes from what I want to have had as a child and also my pain in going over and seeing all the hostility between them, I often have panic attacks even before getting there.

But I have to keep reminding myself, I'm not helpless! I'm powerless in changing them, but that does not mean I'm helpless!

I don't know if that's helpful to you _Mouse, but at least that's how I understand what powerlessness is (also helplessness, and the difference).