I'm sorry you're having such a rough time-I can relate to so many things in your post-it's like you peeked inside my head When I was younger I tried to be the perfect daughter, didn't bug my parents, never went to them when I had problems & always tried to act like everything was OK. My Dad does not "believe in" mental illness & has never been supportive of me either through times of struggle or when I'm doing well. It really sucks when your parent does not support or believe in you-I still shudder when I remember a few years ago when my Dad yelled at me that I was a coward over & over-bleh. Having depression or any other mental illness is no different than if you were born a diabetic with a faulty pancreas or a weak heart valve-it is not something you choose but it is something that you can work on. Please remember that you are not alone & try to reach out to others & share when you're struggling-those friends that you have given support to will almost surely reciprocate what you have given to them. Hopefully someday your Dad will understand & support you but for now realize that you can't control his behavior but you can surround yourself with positive people that have your best interest at heart.