It's not in a good way. We were living together. I'm thousands of miles away from my home country and things are not so good with my family. My job hasn't started yet and I'm completely broke. I also owe him money, not so much but a little. He is unbelievable. He says now I didn't communicate with him. I have a debt with my insurance already and I can't visit a therapist. I am only a student. I am selling any thing I have just to get a little money, like my mobile. But despite all this, the memory of him pushing me around is so clear. It's like my brain is stuck in a loop, I'm seeing myself from the outside and I hate myself, I can't do anything to stop it. I develop symptoms of low blood pressure and these flashes give me such a bad time breathing, I don't know how to stop this. All my old exercises with my therapist are fading away. And a voice in my head won't stop screaming. A long time ago, when my old boyfriend assaulted me, I felt like this but I left and survived and I was optimistic again. Now I feel like something has died. I don't knoe if I can do this again.