I feel very out of it and depressed. I didn't sleep most of the night and it is now day. Feeling like I am not good enough. Facing another back surgery in the next few weeks, and my fears are really getting me down. Just want the pain to stop and to be able to do the things I normally do without being in so much pain. I know that adds to my depression, and it also adds to dissociating as it triggers so much. Just wish sometimes I wasn't. Then again, being afraid of death....I'm lost. Breathe................