Pickle-- I am reading a book called The Abandoned Child Within by Kathrin Aspar, and it is explaining many things about myself to me that I haven't been able to understand. One of the things is what you describe of being a kind of spectator at our own lives, and another is not feeling connected to others.

It comes, according to Aspar, from having parents who don't allow us to feel our feelings when we are young. I know that doesn't help you with your feelings and I am so sorry that you are feeling badly. I understand.

(((((((((((((((((((Pickle)))))))))))))))))))))