Quote:
Originally Posted by CrazyGirl6371
Thank you all for your replies. My friends are concerned, because I seem off and keep zoning out on them. I work on a rescue truck, and they felt like I couldn't do it, because of my mental condition.. So, last night was a bit of a wake-up call for me. I have to do something about the medication. I can't just be numb and zone out AND do what I enjoy (working on the rescue truck). I'm not willing to compromise my safety and the safety of the patients and - most of all - my friends. If something happened to them, I'd never forgive myself. These guys are like brothers to me; I love them dearly. So, today, I'm calling in to talk about my medication. Sadly, numbness was my goal. Now that I'm here, I don't want it, anymore. So, I'm so lost, now... What happens when you reach your goal and decide that you no longer want it?  |
Hi CrazyGirl6371: Reading your reply, I felt the urge to respond. You'll have to excuse me. I'm a retired vocational rehabilitation counselor. So when I learn there is a vocational aspect to someone's circumstances, my ears tend to perk up, so to speak.
I'm glad to hear you plan to call with regard to your medications. Hopefully you can find some compromise between the extremes of trying to "go it alone" on the one hand, & being numb on the other. But, at the risk of sounding negative, I'd just like to say, from my perspective, this can be a challenge. Our mental states are always in flux. And, the effectiveness of medications is at best unpredictable. If such was not the case, there'd be allot fewer members here on PC. We'd all be on a med that was perfectly targeted to our own personal circumstances & we'd have no ongoing difficulties related to our mental health challenges. Of course we know this is sadly not the case. At least not at this point in time.
You wrote that you work on a rescue truck. I've never done this type of work. But, years ago, I did work as a nursing assistant in the emergency department at a major medical center. So I do know something of what you probably encounter in your work. In your first post, in this Thread, you wrote about your chaotic, emotional mind & how you just wanted to feel numb. But now that you are, you're finding it's not working for you.
I recall that you indicated you enjoy your work & love your co-workers. However, I want to pose to you that, if you are a person who has a history of having an emotional, chaotic mind, & needing to be on med's to gain some control over it, working on a rescue truck may not be the best combination for you... at least not long term. Because you have the emotional, chaotic mind you have, you may well be attracted to the type of emotional, chaotic work that rescue involves. But, if you'll pardon the analogy, it is like having a highly strung dog. Alone, your highly strung dog is challenge enough to control. But if you then introduce a second highly strung dog into the household, now you have two highly strung dogs together. They feed off each other. And the result is multiplied many times over.
So I would simply like to suggest you consider whether or not, over the long term, your personality & your work situation are really a beneficial combination for you. If you find you cannot locate that perfect med that calms your emotional, chaotic mind, but also keeps you clear-headed & alert, you may want to begin thinking about preparing yourself for some alternative career. Over the long haul, as they say, continuing to expose your emotional, chaotic mind to the equally emotional & chaotic experiences of rescue work, may be like repeatedly throwing cups of starter fluid on a fire.
I wish you all the best. Thanks for reading my reply!
