hi sunny,

The last part of that you don't mention that you do and that is to define what you want, how you DO want to be treated. (the Don't or Do: Don't raise your voice to me. Don't criticize me in front of the kids. Do let me know when you will be late getting home. etc)

If at that point they still say they don't care, either directly or indirectly, then it is up to you what to do. You can reiterate what you've said, adding that they don't have to care, but you do and this is what you need to have a relationship with them. Walking away is okay (but not in place of speaking up). Why would we want a relationship with someone who can't cherish us? Within our boundaries are the people who truly care about us.

I don't have a good handle on it because I don't know for sure what my boundaries are. I have a problem with feeling deserving, with being obedient, with standing up for myself. I also tend to give up and walk away instead of speaking up.

I notice that those who can do this, who know what their boundaries are and can be direct and state how they expect to be treated, are those who know themselves well and who seem very secure to me. I want that too.