Hi
I do not think that we need to prove anything to anybody. We have been thrown to existence without asking. More or less, parents are just our companions in this journey. They are just humans beings full of failures and mistakes and, sometimes, they may be worse than us at the end. Sorry for my brutal honesty but I see you being too tough to yourself, like if you had "internalized" your father mandate. In addition to love, fathers sometimes have high expectation on us because of an issue of ego. This is an unconscious thing they will not acknowledge but it is true. If we fail they feel our failure reflects on them. But in fact that is not fair. This is our own life and not theirs. A hug