Ok after Mondays session where I walked out, and T's email, I was desperate.

T said, when you left Monday, I felt powerless, felt I couldn't help you. I think that was both mirroring how you were feeling, and also I think that's how your mother felt when she got you.
. I think where she left you so much, all you had was terror coming at you. A mother normally holds a baby and processes those fears for a baby, she didn't.

I think you had to get use to all the different noises, senses, smells (I was adopted).

As T said that, I begun to cry. I have had new neighbours move in and their sounds are new, unfamiliar, I said to T, yes! I need to get use to their coming and going..

I left feeling a bit stronger, a bit more in the here and now.