Here are the three articles I wrote about transference. I am no way near completion of this subject and what I wrote so far is kind of convoluted and needs some good editing, which I will do at some point. However, it may still clarify something for you about the transference phenomena.

All in all, transference by a classic definition is not simply feelings you have for the therapist whatever they are. Those feelings in order to qualify as transference have to be a projection of your feelings toward your childhood caregivers onto your therapist. To put it simply, whenever the therapist believes you are confusing him/her with your mother/father or with whoever raised you, the therapist would call it transference.

Transference is real, but at the same time it cannot be proven at each particular moment, and so often the idea of transference is often being exploited by therapists who don't want to take responsibility for their mistakes that caused clients distress. In other words, it's easy to say "You feel this way about me because you are seeing me as your mother" instead of "I am sorry my words or actions hurt you and I can see how it happened."

And, to answer your question, yes, I confronted my therapists a lot about using transference as an excuse not to take responsibility for their behavior.