I think itīs very important to feel that you can talk to your T about anything without being judged. Itīs one thing getting different perspectives on things, in this case your former T, but another to feel judged and in a way being told that youīre feelings wasnīt appropriate. As your former T obviously did a very great job with some of his clients but not to others thereīs no ground for judging him.
I should say itīs more important to look into why you felt this way towards your former T and in some way help you grieve, if thatīs what you need. I would personally be very observant to how this progresses, if I felt my new T kept ignoring, diminishing or in some other way made me feel bad about my sincere feelings for something, I would find another T if possible.
Iīm myself in a situation where I was terminated and in my contact with a new T I will absolutely have to be able to talk about my former T and what happened in therapy with her. If a new T isnīt willing to discuss it, it wonīt work.
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Originally Posted by MASIMO
I finally told my new therapist how depressed and grieving I am feeling over my former T retiring. He has been gone for 2 months now and my grief seems worse not better.
My new T and I have not really addressed my feelings for my Ex-T. I finally disclosed to him that I fell in love with him and I was having a hard time unattaching myself from him.
I dont know if he was trying to discourage my feelings, or trying to explain why I fell in love with EX-T, but I sat there as my new T told me that the "issue" with my Ex is that he had a very mixed reputation in the community. Some of his clients say he saved their lives...I'm one of them. And that he has heard so many things about him from clients and other clinicians over the years that showed he has extremely loose boundaries, and how that can be harmful to clients. He gave me a few examples of things he has heard about him or experienced himself. He was bashing my beloved T.....It hurt me to hear this. Did he really need to do this? Is this really going to help me get over him, is this going to help me trust and form a good relationship with new T? Or am I going to fight to the death to protect what my Ex and I had together and how important he was to me, regardless of his reputation. I could simply stop discussing him but I was hoping to work through this grief with my new T,
now I'm not sure if I even want to bring him up again. I dont like holding back anything from my therapists. But the one thing I am sure to keep private is that I am still in contact my Ex.
I wrote to him later basically defending my EX-T, praising his devotion to me, how he saved my life, how he was always there for me, and always treated me with respect. Yes, I know he didn't exactly fit into the Therapist's mold, and did some unconventional things, but that's what I loved about him, his passion for life and for his clients.
So I'm feeling very mixed emotions towards new T. Did he do right by me revealing all of this to someone who was so close to me for seven years? I'm confused how to feel now, I hate to think our developing relationship has been damaged. I'm sure he was only trying to help me unattach.
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