In four days, I start my internship at an inpatient psych hospital. Before long, I will have my own caseload of clients. It will last one year.

I will be their therapist.

I haven't been too nervous. Mostly because I am settliing into the idea that I am finally going to be doing what it is that I am meant to do.

But the other stuff is starting to sink in, too. So I'm getting a little scared. I hope I am ready for this.

I'm not scared that I can't do therapy. Rather, I'm scared that my own stuff will interfere. What if I fall into one of my depressive episodes? What if I have a client who is a self-injurer, and the countertransference is too intense? What if I have a panic attack? What if I hate it?

I get really apprehensive when I have to step out of the comfort zone that I have created. For the last 2 years, it has always been work, school, home. Now I am adding something new.

I need my T right now.

I never got to talk about this with him on Friday.

And I feel like I can never call him again. And I left so mad at him...