I really understand you in this. I´m pretty sure that you in some way, like I also felt, felt hurt or left out even if you at the moment put on a happy face. I would say, without wanting to interpret you in any way, it´s easy to take on several kinds of defences when something like this happens.

When on my own I just cried and still cries over the unexpected termination I most recently experienced, but in contact with my T I put on a more distant attitude just because I didn´t want her to see/hear me cry. Perhaps my situation was quite different as I really felt left out because my T had the opportunity to continue seeing me, she wasn´t moving or anything like that.

I don´t know if you at all have the oppurtunity to get in contact with her? I now don´t mean that you have to see her in person if you don´t want to but perhaps you could send her a letter or an e-mail? You could ask her in a nice way that you want her to respond and just explain that you were in shock but that you now regret that you didn´t get to speak to her.

I really know how hard this can be and I never wanted to see my T again, and again because I didn´t want a meeting where I just sat crying, but a letter is a much easier way to get an explanation without meeting her in person. If that´s not what you want of course!