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Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel
Ty! Those are some great suggestions. I do have pepper spray! It might be expired though (it's 9 years old  ). And I do have a bracelet to fiddle with (the key ring strechy type). I don't know if I'll be able to sit in the back. I hope so.
The type of clients they have there are mostly people with Schizophrenia... I don't mind parnoid Schizophrenia, but psychotic Schizophrenia I mind. I lived with both when I was 18-20. I don't want to go back to that place. It makes me feel like I'm going back to that time. I never fit in there when I was younger, and I'm afraid I'm not going to fit in again. What if the staff treat me like I'm a "typical borderline"? What if the clients see me as too high functioning? This place doesn't treat people with BPD.
Btw, if you're wondering how I know, I went there ~6 months ago to try to access their groups.
I don't know how the group works...if I have to commit to x amount of time. I won't know what module they'll be on. I know distress tolerance will be the most helpful, then emotional regulation, then core mindfulness. Least helpful will be interpersonal effectiveness.
But I'm just mostly afraid of the people...in general. I can barely stand the grocery store. Hell, I can barely stand going for a walk in my neighborhood.
I know it will be good for me. And I already promised I would try it out. My T said she would be proud if I simply walk through the door. But that doesn't take away any fear.
I will be talking to my T about it. I have about a month before I'm expected to go down there and do an assessment. I wish my T would come with Maybe I can convince her to give me something to hold onto? Or bribe me somehow. Bribes work for me  |
People, especially in big groups, scare me too! At least in a class they should be somewhat organized and quiet (versus milling around getting in your space, like they do at the grocery store).
I'm glad you have a month to prepare yourself! Hopefully your T can work with you on some other helpful strategies?
Oh... and you asked, "what if they treat me like a typical borderline?" - do you have something specific in mind? I'm having a little trouble imagining what behaviors they might take towards you, if they think you're a typical borderline (or were you more worried about the judgement?)?
Either way, I think you just go in and be your wonderful normal self
and let them see that you're NOT a typical anything, and that you're there to learn new skills, like everyone else. Even if they initially think "uh-oh, scary borderline person! What will we do?!" - when they see that you're there to do the work and learn the skills, and that you're not throwing things at people (I assume you're not planning to throw things at people, right?
) - I don't see how that judgement on their part can LAST. Basically, it should just go *poof*! Like, "Oh wow, we thought she might be a handful with that BPD diagnosis, but gosh, she's the nicest one in the whole group!"
And, I'm sorry that it feels like you're going back to a painful period of your life (if I understood correctly?). I know that feeling... it does suck. I have no good advice for that one, other than realize it's not forever... and you're not the same person you were then.
Oh, and YAY for pepper spray
!!!