Hello Geis: I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your ongoing struggles. I have similar feelings. I'm getting old now. And what we hear about older people being isolated & not cared about is true. No one cares how much I suffer inside. As long as I don't make trouble for anyone, they're all content to pretend everything is just fine. At this point, I've gotten so that I just play along because I know it won't make any difference.

I recall one time, several years ago now, telling a therapist no one cared what happened to me when I was young simply because back then, where I lived, kids just grew up & whatever happened, happened. No one cared. Now, no one cares because I'm old & not worth the bother. So I lost out on both ends.

I'd like to be able to tell you there is hope. But, I recall from a previous Thread of yours I replied to, you believe you have investigated every possible treatment option & none are available to you. So I'll simply say I want to believe there is help out there for you somewhere. But I also do know there certainly are many human needs in this world that just go unmet. I hope you can find the strength within yourself to persevere. It is true, I believe, the kind of anger you describe can be very destructive to your own psyche, so to speak. I think, if nothing else, it will be important for you to try to find some way of dissipating that anger, justified as it surely is. I wish you all the best.