You have been through so much! And it involves feelings of being attached. Does your therapist know all of this? It is so important that she knows.

Feeling concerned when you feel close to someone must be grueling for you because of what has happened. You aren't poison or bad or any of those things. Wanting to be close to someone, wanting attachment and love are good things to want and to have. You deserve them and your therapist can help you with this.

I can understand your wanting to run away when you feel the connection, attachment. You were punished for feeling this and it must seem like it isn't a good thing to want or feel and that you have to run off before you are punished for it again. You won't be punished for having these feelings in therapy.

You really must get back to therapy so your life can be better and you can find good loving connections, people who will cherish you as you cherish them.