Hey sweetie. Sounds like your therapy has evolved to a different level. Painful, yeah. But ultimately... More satisfying. I guess thats how it is supposed to go.
> the reality of seeing myself as a grown adult that is at the end of the day alone, is right there in front of me. The feeling of vunrablity to lifes pains is right there in front of me, the powerless of the human condtion is there right in front of me.
Yeah. But you know... It doesn't have to be that way. t is there willing to be with you in the moment and willing to walk beside you. Other people too. Doesn't undo the hurts of the past but can help make the present and future a whole heap more pleasant.
> Its like being a child and being the centre of attention and being given tremendous encouragement for everything you do to all of a sudden being a grown up in a grown up world and knowing you are no more special or deserving then the next person. That there is no "right" to take, no right to anything that isn't rightfully yours. Its about knowing that my responsiblity is about growing up and learning that others have needs too. That people are not sitting around waiting to make my life ok.
Maybe... Instead of that being about being grown-up... Maybe it is about growing up. How at some stage as a child you have this need for mirroring and... People let you down. Don't fulfill that need. And then... One comes to think that... The world will never be able to fulfill that need. That that is the way the world works. Ones needs are simply too great to be met. That is life. That is a realistic view of life.
Sounds like the big black hole to me :-(
I spend a lot of time there too.
Can you take extra special care of yourself right now? Try and do little things to care for yourself. To care for little you. How do you wish you had been treated? Can you do some of those soothing things for yourself? YOU would never abandon little you. You would mirror her and care for her and treat her like she is wonderful and special (which she is).
> Its about building ones inner strenght. Having the courage to carry the load, gracefully.
Yeah. But its also time to take extra special care. And to take comfort from the people who do care about you.
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