Hi Eliflower, I'm sorry your feeling this way.
Have you considered seeing a therapist? They can be helpful. I hope you're able to get some help, you do matter.
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“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type