My husband, 49, and I, 40, have been together for 6.5 years, married for almost 4. This is a second marriage for both of us. We both have a child from previous relationships. I came from a pretty, normal traditional family. My parents are still married after 43 years. He came from a highly dysfunctional, toxic and abusive (his mom was the abuser) family. He has not seen or spoken to his Mom for 15 years. He also does not speak to his sister. His relationship with Dad is very strained and little communication exists. His dad never protected him from his mom. He allowed her to abuse him and still tries to make excuses for her behavior. I can't blame him for wanting nothing to do with these people.

I know belonging to a family he never had is important to him. When we were dating my mom knew his family history and was looking for signs that he was just like them. She became judgmental about everything. It was obvious to me that she was being an overly protective parent. He had done nothing wrong. He loved my daughter as his own. He has an usual personality and sense of humor. He can be very non-politically correct. He doesn't behave like she wants him to. He can be rough around the edges, a bit rude at times, but for the most part a good man.

We got pregnant 2.5 years into our relationship. I told him my parents would accept him if he married me. We married and they seemed happy about it. I thought my mom would reevaluate her opinion of him and accept him. Well, it just got worse. It was wishful thinking. They butt heads on everything. She'd make comments and he'd retaliate with words. Now my husband hates her with a passion because he knows she still isn't fond of him. I'm not saying my husband hasn't brought some of the tension on himself. He absolutely has. He doesn't acknowledge any mistakes he made either. He speaks poorly of her to me and blames me for lying about them accepting him once we married. He actually threatens to divorce and find someone with a family that will love an accept him. He has become a bit verbally abusive with me too. He can be so sweet at times and then the old behavior comes out. He is very angry. It makes it seem as though he never really loved me, only the idea of having this family he dreamed of. I'm crushed because I love them both. I pray that one day they can get along.

Have I done anything wrong? Should he be this mad at me? Is it because he hates his Mom so much that he doesn't like Moms in general. I need answers. Counseling has never helped. We tried and he just got more upset. Should I confront my Mom? He won't come to family functions anymore and it's embarrassing to be the only one there without their spouse. The rest of the family seems to like him. Just he and my Mom bump heads. Help?!?