As much as I hate being terribly sick and feel horrible and do everything I can to get better, I feel like what I am dealing with now is so much more confusing and painful. Some moments I am OK and hopeful, but then I just lose hope.

So I think it is a mild depression and mini cycling, or mild mixed episode... I don't know.

I am a little bit functional, but I feel like I fight for every step. I slept for 4 hours yesterday after a full night's sleep. I have things I need to do and I truly WANT to do them, but then I just... don't. I run out of energy...

I have been able to get up in the morning and get my kids off to school and I have a thousand intentions to clean, get groceries, have a good meal... then I just get this overwhelming fatigue and go to sleep for hours.

I quit my job so that I could manage my life and not fall into the symptoms that I was starting to feel, but they are still here...

This mild cycling is so much worse because it doesn't seem valid. It seems like laziness and my fault that things aren't getting done. I thought that quitting my job would make me feel better. Why don't I?