Quote:
Originally Posted by Clara22
Hi FF2,
Thank you for sharing your story. As you said, there is a lot of abuse in it. Hopefully, this place will help you a bit. It has been a good place for me. Despite your depression, do you feel that you are committed to your recovery?
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I'm committed to trying. I know that is probably not the best answer - but it is the honest one. I'm very tired. Extremely tired. And I hurt a lot. But I don't want to hurt. And I don't want to die. But when I think about everything going on I get so overwhelmed and I just want to shut down and cry/scream/hit things/panic/swear/drive/walk/run/hide/attack - I just am all over the place.
And that reaction makes me ashamed too. Is it odd to feel self loathing for because you're feeling self loathing?
However, I will say - with confidence - that having a chance to core dump my brain helped. I felt like I wanted to throw up. I cried. I felt weak and stupid and dumb and said "Why am I sharing this? People have dealt with worse - you're being a stupid idiot." But then, when I hit post I just felt relief.
Thank you guys for being here. I don't know what I would do without anyone to talk too.