Shadows, is it okay if I answer too even though I don't have DID?

My understanding is a lot like KD's. I've read a lot about this and also have my own experience with dissociation and ego fragments. I understand that dissociation is a normal ability that everyone has. There are different degrees and types of dissociation, and it is not a disorder as long as it doesn't cause problems or discomfort for you. People who are lost in a book or movie to the point that for the moment they are not aware of what is going around them IRL are dissociating at a normal level. If they don't come back when something IRL needs their attention, then it starts to be a problem.

Normal people also have parts or aspects of their personalities. The difference between normal and DID is the degree of connection or dissociation between the parts. KD already talked about that. In normal people the parts are connected as part of a whole personality and they all work together as one identity. In DID, the parts are separated from each other and some don't have awareness of being part of a whole with the other parts, or don't know that the other parts exist, have separate memories and abilities, etc. Maybe it would help to understand what that is like for someone who is in between, like me. I have parts, and although my parts are connected and share the same memories and all have access to the same resources (pretty much), my parts may not share resources very well. There is a part that handles academic and professional stuff, one that does emotions, one that tries to cope and pull it all together, etc. My parts hate each other and often wish that they could destroy each other. I can switch from one part to another - for me that means that I act from one part, but the others are still more or less present and aware of what I am doing - they may be dragging their feet and complaining though. It takes effort for me to figure out which part is acting, and there probably is more collaborative effort than any of the parts would like to admit. One of the goals for my therapy is integration.

I am also aware of an inner child, and to me that seems different from the parts I described above. Those parts don't have their own names (when T asked me what I wanted to call them, I tried to assign them numbers - T didn't go for that so we settled for descriptions). My inner child is Heidi. I don't feel very connected to her, but I think the more emotional part of me has more connection. Somehow it seems that other people can recognize Heidi, as a lot of people have accidentally called me by that name even though I have never mentioned that name to them.

Right now I'm not sure what exactly the inner child is either to me or to most people. It does seem to have to do with memories, and a lot to do with emotion. Some people deny their inner child and don't know that it is there (I have only noticed mine in the last couple of years). Inner children are held very deep and protected from the outside world. I think that it is actually our true selves and what is real about us, as opposed to the outer self that is developed to interact with the world and others and to be what we think others expect us to be. I think that in healthy people, the inner child and the outer self are more congruent, so the outer self is more real and alive because it fits who the person really is inside.

I am not sure how that works for people with DID. My best idea is that you have an inner child too (or more than one), and that it is not like a child alter, although maybe one or more child alters may be more in touch with your inner child, and the child alters protect the inner child fiercely. I think that the inner child is who we really are, deep inside and underneath all of the layers. DID may actually make it harder to reach and understand your inner child. What do you think?

Regarding trauma, I think that trauma causes the inner child to retreat deeper inside and be harder to reach. A person who is less traumatised (everyone experiences trauma to a greater or lesser degree) may be less aware of a difference between the inner child and the real self. A trauma survivor who is closer to healing and recovery (or completely healed) is more in tune with the inner child.

Alexandra's information is interesting too. I'll have to look at that research.

Shadows, thanks for asking those questions. Thinking about it has helped my understanding already.

Rap