This is something I was struggling with a few days ago. I only have a handful of human friends that I'm comfortable enough with to go up to them whenever I need/want to without invitation and enjoy being around. And while I can rant all I want to the people I don't consider to be more than acquaintances about anything, I can't go up to them later unless it's for a very specific reason like we were assigned to work together on a paper or something and we planned and confirmed this get-together in advance. It's a struggle for me because my good friends are almost exclusively commuters (those that attend this college, forget the ones back home) and I live on campus.

Specifically, I'm usually okay with eating dinner by myself but sometimes I feel the need to socialize like every other human and I can't because my apparent fear of being rejected holds me back. In particular, when I was being smothered in thoughts about various things, having someone I sort of know to talk to (and they just listen and not care) would have been supremely helpful but I can't just go up to people like that. It took a lot of time and meditation to lower the tide back to a reasonable level. I end up texting my best friend about it anyway.

But I'm okay.

I'm always okay.