It was rape. You didnt agree to it and you weren't in a position to say either way, being asleep, he took advantage of you and it was very very wrong. I'm so sorry for your unfortunate experiences. I know you must have a lot of anger and raw emotion but you are taking positive steps to change your life and have positive experiences. With time these will outweigh the negative, I'm not saying you'll forget but you'll have things you can look at and think today was a good day or even just a good hour. Take pleasure in small accomplishments and in the big accomplishment of how far you have come. Too often we look at how far we have to go instead of how far we have come. From your story you have come a very long way on your road to recovery and I wish you all the best in the future.

Just know it wasn't your fault and just because you didnt say no doesn't mean you said yes. He had no right to do that to you. I hope you can work through and overcome your terrible experiences and build a happy life for yourself. You deserve it!