I had a far worse life in meds. I tried dozens of combinations with dangerous side effects from all. I was the unlucky person for whom meds caused suicidal thoughts and actions. I was never hospitalized until I went on meds. Then I went inpatient at least 10 times and needed ECT to restart my brain. I have been off meds for a year and finished ECT a year and a half ago. I am afraid I would die if I went back on meds.