My former friend just got back from a long vacation, during which I had been struggling to come to terms finally with the idea that we are no longer close, and her return has triggered a lot of grief.
I feel the urge to contact her, to try to meet with her, but I know that part of this is just general loneliness, and part is nostalgia. I don't even know what we'd talk about anymore.
We had a codependant relationship: by the end, I was like a stalker parasite, and she screened my calls and pretty much dropped me when I was at my worst. I don't think she wants to come back from it... from her behavior at least it seemed like she was done with us being friends.
We've never said it outright though, so I'm on edge, thinking she might call me all casually and ask to meet up. Every year, up till now, we've spent New Years Eve together, and while I cannot fathom spending that time with her (we barely know each other anymore) I worry that she might want to do it for the sake of tradition.
I'm still grieving over our friendship (8 yrs if you don't count the last one). I don't know how to get over it. What can I do? Even being friends with her online hurts... I see her postings and it's like a fresh insult. She didn't call me when she returned to this country: I saw it online.
It's so stupid! I sound like an ex. She probably doesn't even care as much as I do, but it hurts to think she never cared as much. As I got more and more depressed I think she stopped wanting to have anything to do with me. I'm so ashamed.
I am trying to move forward in my life, but this is one of those things that just sets me back so far. I don't know what to do.