Kali, so sorry to hear of your loss. You are not alone having 20-20 vision in the rear view mirror. For the longest time I dwelled on a loss that there were a hundred things I could have done differently. Releasing that struggle finally gave me some relief.
You have helped so many with your postings and your art work on PC. Give yourself the credit that you helped those you felt you could help.
You really are a compassionate healing person. It is just that we can't heal and help everyone and the ones we can't help seem to hurt the worst.