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'i don't want you to meet them 'cause it's not about them telling you stuff its about me telling you stuff. i mean, what am i supposed to say? "i'm a.?" (he nodded). no. i won't do that. they are just stories i make up 'cause i can't face things. i don't want them acting out. sometimes i can't face things.

then i kinda saw that that's maybe why he wants to meet them. if i say 'i'm a.' then... its not disclaimed. i'm claiming it. being them IS taking ownership.

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That sounds scarey Alexandra... taking ownership and that would require one hell of an alliance given all that you have experienced with previous therapists.

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but what the hell was i supposed to do all those years that no one would help me? w. doesn't need him. don't need him. this hurts. it HURTS. it hurts too much. i don't want to do this. it hurts too much.

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w has been there for you when so many have let you down.

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its not about trust so much as hurt that he can't do anything about. to bring this up... and not be able to do anything about it. nice for some. but i don't want to do this. can't. hurts too much.

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Can you share more on this. are you speaking on w's behalf? t needs to be aware of how much w has helped you through difficult times. He kept you together and has been your strength. It would, in my mind, be like mourning a death of sorts or giving up something that has worked for you. Your distress is understood and is not going to be simple to discharge.