I thought the Lamictal was supposed to stabilize my swings so that I didn't get too high or too low? As far as my recent hypomania, he switched me to a slow release Wellbutrin and moved my 2nd dose of Lamictal to midday rather than evenings.

I'm fine today. Last night I was almost at the pint of curling up in a ball because the anxiety was so excruciating. I was in Seroquel as a PRN that worked as far as making me not give a crap anymore, but it almost always made me very irritable. So my pdoc took me off of it. So I really had nothing but square breathing to help. I did finally turn to my wife for help and she just held me until I felt better. That's the best remedy I've found so far. She's an incredible woman.

Was is disturbing is how I just slipped over into a state of mind where I tried to make contact with this other woman, "just because I wanted some answers". I justified it by saying to myself I was trying to find "closure". It would have destroyed my life if I had been able to make contact. I'm still scared to death of what I'm capable of.

I have very good doctors. I would never go at where else for help. They've both taken late calls from me and talked me off my ledge, so to speak. Luckily I haven't had any suicidal thoughts because both of them wouldn't hesitate to hospitalize me.

So, I've got a monster just under my skin...and it's terrifying.