Growing up i didnt have friends at all....and everyone made fun of me...i was continually with adults even from birth..not many children my age...and for alot of the time my grandmother watched me....in addition with my parents abuse towards me and the isolation i have become unable to handle...people...in general. My boyfriend is the only one i can....relate to ....otherwise i am hopeless....i am one of those people who laughs when its not supposed to be funny...i tell the same joke over and over again thinking maybe i can get someone to laugh....or i try to relate and talk to people..but in the end i just look stupid and they roll their eyes at me and walk away....it happened last night...i was joking around with my boss....and after what i thought turned out well..she turned around and asked my boyfriend..who works with me....and our boss is his aunt...she asked him what was wrong with me..that i kept making the same joke....i dont know how to talk to people...or handle people....or even be near people....i try so hard..and i always screw up....i DO try....i try to make friends...i TRY to "let loose" but all i want now is just to go to work come home eat sleep and watch tv and read a book or two...when i moved with my boyfriend i never realized how isolated my parents made me....i was never allowed down stairs to watch tv with the family...i was never allowed to hang out outside with the family and friends...and when family got together i was to do all the dishes and clean up and wait on people....i didnt talk to anyone unless spoken too....and believe me that wasnt often....i would just sit upstairs in a room and watch tv..from 3 pm to the next morning..sometimes i didnt even see my own sister for two to three days....because she would be downstairs with my parents or at a friends...even at dinner time..i wasnt allowed to have enjoyable family time....this was the time for my mother and father to tell me what i need to do differently...and if they were fighting with themselves they would drag me into it...so i was by myself pretty much my whole life....now i dont know how to handle conversations...and when someone wants to talk to me and they come over...i try hard but i trip up because i start to....loose myself....i tend to...i wouldnt call it day dream but i would loose time and not remember anything....and that doesnt help.....so i dont know...i am hopeless with people...sometimes i just wish i could find a job that would not let me deal with people .....or deal with alot of people....like that would happen...sorry for my rant....