When I'm going thru a hypomania phase and I'm going thru that irritable phase that's the hard part. Luckily I'm on intermittent FMLA and I've learned to recognize when I'm going to explode. I can go off just by certain peoples voices. I just leave work. I hate to do it, but I hate risking losing my job. I had to do it Friday.

A really big issue is the side effect of seroquel. I'm a zombie when I wake up. My pdoc hates that I have a little caffeine, just in the morning that's it, to get going. It's sad, but my two goals for the day is to get in the shower and make it thru the day at work. I recently told my husband this crying telling him that I felt horrible that Monday thru Friday he isn't even part of it. Saturday and Sunday he is, but that's not fair. It's all about surviving, and I have to work.

Most people at work know about the BP, but I still feel the need to put that fake face on. I don't want to be asked questions. To be honest, it feels like my OCD causes more problems at work because of what I do for a living. Especially lately. I was on Latuda and it destroyed my life, and now my OCD is completely out of control. Managing a job and mental illness is the hardest thing I've had to do, and I hope it gets better someday.