Every time I post here I'm just overwhelmed by the amount of support, you guys are amazing. Thank you so much.

My therapist doesn't agree with the bipolar assessment, she works at a holistic center and tends more towards emotional roots of issues than physical causes so I am a little uncomfortable bringing it up to her.

I do have a psychiatrist that I really like but I'm honestly terrified to try meds. I've been given a few different prescriptions by various doctors but have never filled them. I was on SSRI's for most of my adolescence and they were a terrible experience, I'm also really sensitive to side effects and generally get them pretty strongly. I think I've developed a bit of a phobia to be honest, and that plus the denial of diagnosis has been making it hard for me to take the plunge.

But it is true that I can't live like this. So I'm just going to go in and be really honest about my hangups to my pdoc and see if she can help assuage my fears a bit, even if I feel silly doing it.