I have to be quite honest. I'm surprised no one has mentioned anything about the complete upheaval your life has been...for both of you. If you look at the list of big stressors, you guys have done several (Holmes and Rahe stress scale - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia). The poor man could just be stressed out of his mind.

You guys were dating long distance. Then you got pregnant. Then HE moved. You both adjusted to living together. He started a new job (maybe the same job in a new place, but that's nerve-wracking enough). And now you're raising your two children (and, btw, you're more used to parenthood than he is. He just became a father of two practically over night). And this is all only in two years! My goodness, if he wasn't stressed, I'd be worried! Maybe performance anxiety is just too much for him right now, or maybe he's just plain exhausted from being stressed, or being a new dad, or starting a new job.

I've done the long distance thing. My husband and I started by dating long distance for four years. Moving in together was extremely stressful. We moved half way across the country, away from any one we knew except each other, and he was starting a brand new job. He was extremely stressed, we didn't have a lot of sex, and I was having the same thoughts you were. You need to try to sit down with your boyfriend and discuss the underlying issue, but you have to try to do it without blaming or accusing. Not an easy task.

I don't think it would be a bad idea to think about therapy, either couples or just for yourself (though, he probably needs his own individual therapy too to help him cope with all these changes he's been going through). You say he gets defensive when you try to talk about it, but how are you bringing up the conversation. 'Honey, why do we never have sex?' What kind of answer can that lead to? ''I don't know." Try using I-statements. "I feel x when you do y because of z. Next time, could we try abc?" I also suggest just talking to him... Not about sex, but just about how he feels, how he's doing right now. Maybe he's not feeling loved right now, and that's getting in the way. Talk to him about how he's coping with all the new adjustments. And really listen. See if there are changes that both of you need to make together. Maybe all it takes is giving the whole thing a bit of time to see if it resolves itself when the stress levels go down.

Good luck, and remember to take care of yourself!