Kori you sure don't sound like a coward to me.

The above suggestions are good. Taking it slowly as kaliope suggests sounds nice and safe to me. I have real trouble talking abut things too....and have in the recent past been able to write them in an email to my therapist.

He then has gently given me the option to talk about it, or else moves on if it is clear I don't want to or can't. Then he'll wait for me to bring it up again

Take good care, go as slow as you need. And reach out if you can.....I have found it really does help.