Quote:
Originally Posted by vital
Thanks trippin and everybody.
Maybe one aspect of this is people who behave as if any conversation is a competition that they are trying to win. I remember once I was the token male invited to a "Women in Physics" lunch. It was a shocking experience to see how different the conversations were from what I was used to. They actually didn't interrupt each other and actually listened to each other instead of thinking what to say while the other person is speaking!
 - vital |
Hmmm... that's really interesting to me. Have you, by chance, read anything by Deborah Tannen? She's a psycholinguistic, and has a book on the differences in gender communication (specific to US culture) - I think it's "You Just Don't Understand Me!".
One of the things she talks about is that we all need "connection" and "independence" - like porcupines in the cold, we have to negotiate a bit... because when we get too much "connection" (too close together) the porcupines get pricked by each other, and when they get too far apart, they get cold.
She says that males (in the US, this isn't true in all cultures!) value "independence" more, so they're conversational patterns usually have to do with establishing their dominance. They tell more jokes, speak longer, and maybe interrupt more (I can't remember for sure that last one). Basically, they exaggerate their differences, as a way to establish independence and rank.
Women tend to value "connection" more - so women tend to focus more on what they have in common and downplay differences. They look for commonality.
I'm not sure what to do with that, but find it fascinating... and very interesting that your experience seemed to bear that out. I actually had a male friend that I loaned my book to, and we chatted about it... both of us felt like it was really a light bulb moment reading through it, and had no clue how different the opposite sex viewed communication!