Oh yes, I know this feeling so well myself and I was in no condition to go through what I went through either. I have had therapy for bad therapy too as well as how I was so alone in the room with strangers in my deposition, one being my own lawyer who was declining into dementia and made my deposition "all about him" that embarassed and triggered the hell out of me. I don't know how I even made it home after experiencing that, it was horrible.

I know how you feel about how "none" of these people will take responsiblity either, I have experienced that myself and the more I got to understand PTSD, the more I worked through it and learned about it the more angry I got about how poorly I had been treated. However, I gave you the added information just so you know that there "are" people out there that are aware of this and have been trying to fight for those who are challenged and treated unfairly.

Do "not" lose faith in yourself though, and I know that is hard when one suffers from PTSD. All you were really dealing with is the bureaucracy of individuals who's hands are tied because they can't "provide" for the genuine need and "they know it". All they can do is have these meetings and find a way to at least "pretend" to hear a need, and as much as you don't like it? Well, if these people really "know" the facts, they don't like it either, but are "stuck" in a job in a system that is "inadequate" at having the true capacity to actually address a genuine "need". This is what these people have to do when there is a waiting list of 200 who have the same needs you do and they don't have the capacity to facilitate that need. Actually, this is what takes place in my country too, and in a big way recently with the VA hospitals that were making patients "wait" because they could not fill the need. Now they say they are working on resolving this big issue, however, they are also talking about the large numbers of doctors and other professionals they will need to hire to handle this huge need. Well, these numbers are pretty large, who knows if there are even "real people" that are qualified out there to even fill this need.

While I know you are "angry" and have a genuine need, you need to also know that there "is" a real problem with having the kind of therapists that you want that can help you and treat you with the therapy you genuinely deserve to have. This meeting you have sat in would not even take place "if" the system was set up to where there really was the adequate resources to address the need you have that is "genuine". Right now in the system your country offers, filling that genuine need is simply not "sustainable" and that is exactly what is going to happen in the U.S. too, and already is in the state of Mass. because I have already come across people that get the same kind of run around and long waiting lists.

So, in that, don't ever blame yourself for an inadequacy that is really the inadequacy of others.

((Hugs))
OE