I go through phases where I'm fine, I say, "Meh, oh well, I did bad things in the past when I was manic. Nothing I can do about it now but move forward." But now here I am today remembering back two years ago to the day I had my favorite cat in the world put down and I've been crying all day at my desk at work. I think I have a little winter depression going on.

But looking back, he was very sick for a long time and probably would have died within a few days. But he was comfortable at home. The whole thing had me so upset for months, watching him wither away. Then one day I came home from work and I got into an absolute panic. He couldn't walk, he was a mess. I was so upset and got all worked up into a manic fit. I dragged the cat from under the couch, shoved him in a cage, and took him to the vet and had him put down. He was so scared. Why didn't I just let him die at home in peace?? I will regret this for the rest of my life and I don't know how to get over it.